For those of you who’ve been following me for a while know that I’m a girl who likes to wear a lot of hats: I am a coach, I’m a speaker; and I’m also an entrepreneur of a business called the Hertzog Homestead.  We have an award-winning bed-and-breakfast, a spa cottage, and an event venue. Obviously juggling all the various components of the business, sometimes things happen I can’t control. Sometimes multiple things in the same period of time happen. So we are going to talk about what to do when things are completely out of your control and how your responses affect not only you but your colleagues, your customers, your family, and your friends.

Psychotherapist Aimee Moran came up with five ways that you can help yourself when you are feeling completely out of control of a situation.

1. Determine what you can control.
   Last week I had multiple things happen, one after the other that cost me money, time, and aggravation. I had a leak in my bed-and-breakfast that caused not only my kitchen walls to be damaged, but also my bed-and-breakfast suite and the closet. This resulted in a lot of painting and patching. I could control the painting and patching, but I couldn’t control the leak
2. Identify your fears.
   Often times when we are feeling insecure it brings up a lot of old things that we believe about ourselves, things that are incorrect that come from an unhealthy perspective. Sometimes we as adults spend years and years refocusing our fears into something more healthy. Identify what that thing is that you are afraid of and deal with the head trash before it takes over.
3. Concentrate on your influence.
   Concentrate on the things that you can change about the situation.
4. Look for unhealthy coping skills in your own life.
   When someone is feeling stressed out, one person might run to the fridge, another person might open up that bottle of wine on a Thursday night, for somebody else it might be binge-watching Netflix on a Saturday. Whatever it is for you, determine what that thing is. If it is an unhealthy coping skill, even if it’s not killing, you determine if it’s really healthy or not. If you’re not sure, talk to someone in your life who loves and cares about you and is going to be honest.
5. Develop healthy affirmations.
   Be kind to yourself. Sometimes stuff just happens; don’t beat yourself up about it, especially if you can’t fix it or it isn’t your problem in the first place. For example, last week when the kitchen wall was a disaster, I had to use this methodology myself by looking at that wall and saying I just painted that wall; it looks way better than it did a week ago when there was no leak.
   Find that positive. This is a healthy affirmation that I’m offering myself and there’s nothing wrong with that.

The next time you feel out of control, the next time something comes your way that smacks you upside the head and leaves you wondering what you are going to do with the situation, remember these five tips and try to apply them.

How do you handle times when you feel out of control? How do you deal with the lack of control in your own life?

If you are struggling with this issue, I would love to help you. You can reach me on my website at kristenhertzog.com. I specialize in helping people to deal with getting more out of life in business. Determining what you can control is one of many challenges that we in the workplace have to deal with so you’re not alone; there is help out there through coaching and through talking with other people.

Have you ever been in that moment when you are planned and prepared, and suddenly you’ve got to shift gears because whatever you were thinking wasn’t the direction that you needed to go in?

Several years ago, I was asked to present at a school in Baltimore. I was asked to share interesting things about popular culture with lots of references to keep the kids engaged. I was excited and got online to research on musicians, sports, books; things I thought the urban youth would be interesting in learning about.

It was the first time I had been to that school and as I got closer and closer to my destination, I got farther and farther out in the country and I realized I wasn’t going to a Baltimore City school, I was going to a Baltimore County school. The demographic of student is significantly different in this rural school district versus the city school I was expecting.

As I pulled up to this school, I saw tractors lined up in the front and sign that said, “Drive your tractor to school day.” The presentation, as great as I prepared it, was not going to fly at this school.

Admit When You Have to Shift Gears

One of the things I had to do with myself, is admit this is not going to work. I had to shelf that awesome presentation for another time.

Access How You Should Do It Differently

The second thing I had to do in that moment, was to access the audience – look at my audience and talk to them first before delivering that presentation. I had to figure out what they cared about… What was interesting to them… What types of popular culture I should be referencing in the presentation that followed.

Wing It With Confidence

The third thing I had to do was exude confidence. Those kids did not have to know the mental gymnastics I had gone through just a few minutes before walking in the door of that school.

I want to encourage you in your mental flexibility:

• Admit when you have to shift gears
• Access how you should do it differently
• Wing it with confidence with poise and grace

And don’t forget to congratulate yourself – this isnt easy to do! How do you use mental flexiblity in the workplace? I would love to hear from you in the comments below!